This one has been challenging to write because it feels as if it will sting forever. It’s taken me two months to share it because I haven’t wanted it to be real. You see the thing about letting go of the things we love is that every time we’re confronted with it, you don’t just deal with the current situation. It’s like everything from the past comes crashing back to fully remind you how fragile life really is and how you have no control of what gets to stay on this planet and what gets to go. So I’ve been re-acquainting myself with the old familiar friend, GRIEF.
On December 13, as 2020 was about to exit the stage, I really thought I was going to come out unscathed. Then I got the call. Flux, my 8 month old colt by Blazin Jetolena, out of Bug (Fantastic News) was found dead in the pasture. I’ve wanted a Blazin Jetolena for a long time and to have one out of one of the funnest mares I’ve rode and trained was a precious gift. I had high hopes and big dreams. I had already shared just how much this door opening meant to me and now it’s shut! [If you missed it, Click here]. However, I trust the universe fully even though it has different plans. I know how to hold my head high when my heart is broke. Because to love is to lose. I’ve encountered this lesson before. I know how to ride the waves of grief. I know how to let go of desires unfulfilled and dreams that will never come to fruition no matter how badly you want them to.
When in doubt and seeking for answers, I set a clear intention and then pull cards or flip to random pages in a book which. This is a technique using the Law of Attraction to attract answers you seek to yourself. I was led to this…
“Expansion and contraction are the way of the Universe. Tides ebb and flow. Breathe goes in and out. Life open and closes. Truth is concealed and revealed. Thus, most experiences are followed by some degree of contraction. Your response to contraction determines how hard it hits you. If it causes you to drive back into old personality structures, return to bad habits, attack the world, or believe you’re having a massive setback, you’re more likely to contract more and for longer. But if you refuse to take the bait – if you see it for what it was – you will move through it more swiftly and easily.”
Man, do you know how badly I wanted attack the world, feel like a victim, question what I did wrong to allow this to happen, and fall into depression?
So. Damn. Badly.
But when I asked for a message to bring comfort, I received one. I had to ask myself, “How far have I really came, grown, and learned from all my past pain if I throw the message aside and return to ‘woe is me’ energy?”
Needless to say, I don’t want all the heartache I overcame to be in vain. In the end that would be far more painful than just moving forward and letting go. So I will breathe through the contractions. I will count my blessings. I will look up and forward. I will learn everything I’m meant to learn through this experience. I will always be grateful for the short time I got with this beautiful boy. I will treasure more deeply the time I get with every one and everything else.
I know I have a special caretaker on the other side watching my crossed over horses roam. He’s sent me dimes, license plate messages, and lots of love leading up to this moment, after a prolonged time of being more quiet. I kept wondering why until I got the call. He wanted to ease my suffering and remind me of his story. We are all connected. True love never dies. In order to experience life to the fullest and not get stuck in the suffering, we must practice the challenging art of letting go.
“Relinquish control and allow mystery to act as she will to weave life together as it is meant to be, abiding by the laws of the cosmos. You can’t force something to come or to remain, it its true place is elsewhere. Remember that what is yours can never be taken away. Allowing is key, for what is yours will come to you”.
This contraction has been painful but I’m focused on the birth of what’s to come. I trust the process. As from the beginning, the sharing of these moments in my life is to not only come into a greater innerstanding of my own journey, but to guide you into a greater innerstanding of your own. Never let your highs be too high or your lows be too low. Seek to maintain balance and you will be free. Onward we go.
